It can be very frustrating when you are trying to save money, perhaps to repay a loan, put some money behind you or to save up for a specific purpose but you have a partner who refuses to help. They might try to help but may just end up spending more money than you. This can be extremely irritating and as money can be the source of arguments between many couples, it is wise to make sure that it is handled very carefully. Below are some tips on how to deal with it.
- Only discuss things when they and you are in good moods – it is very easy to get into a row when you are discussing money and that is why it is really important to make sure that you do it when you are both in the best moods. If either of you lose their temper then it could lead to trouble so try to remain calm and logical. Try not to accuse or blame but just explain how you feel and how you would like things to be and see what they say. It is just as important for you to understand why they are not behaving as you wish as it is for them to understand why you want them to reduce their spending.
- Keep reminding them why you are being frugal – it is a good idea to have a constant reminder as to why you are being frugal. This is useful to keep you both motivated and so write it down and put it in prominent place, probably more than one place is a good idea. It will remind you both why you need to stick to spending as little as possible and this should help you both. If you do not have to keep reminding your partner of your goal then this should mean that you will not have to risk falling out over it so often.
- Give them a budget to stick to – if they want to spend money but just seem to overspend, then it can be a good idea to think about giving them a certain amount of money to spend. Having a budget can mean that they feel they have some freedom to spend but it will limit them so they will not spend too much. It may be a compromise as you may rather they did not spend anything more than necessary but it might be the only thing that you can do to keep the both of you happy. It is better than them spending as much as they want and making you cross all of the time.
- Make it into a competition – it can be fun to make things into a competition. This can only work if you are good humoured and competitive. See how much each of you is able to save each month. It might be that you list items you would have bought but did not or found cheaper versions of or that you count how much money you are each able to transfer into the savings account. You will need to agree on a fair way to do it and it could help both of you to spend less. You could even compete to see who can make extra money by earning extra to your normal jobs.
It can be extremely frustrating when it feels like you are doing all the work to cut back your spending and go without things if your partner is not doing this as well. However, it is important to remember that they might be cutting back a bit and they may find it harder than you. It could be that they are less motivated to do so or that they just find it hard to let go of buying things. It is important to have understanding on both sides and try to work carefully together without blame to sort out the situation. It can be especially hard if they are in debt and you are trying to help them repay it by cutting down yourself. However, understanding that we are all different and find different things easy and hard should help. If they are in debt or have no savings this could be because they find it hard not to spend and so trying to get out of debt will also be very difficult for them. If you continue to struggle then it could be useful to have some debt counselling. This could help both of you to understand each other more and could give you some helpful techniques so that you can achieve your goals more quickly. Of course, it will cost money to pay for the counselling but you could save much more than that if you are able to move forward. It could even mean that your relationship is stronger as a result.